Just fell off a train. Bad.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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