This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
