I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No subtext here. People are naked.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
