So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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