It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize