You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
