His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
