I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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