I think I died a long time ago.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
