He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize