FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
how does that bad decision feel?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
