So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
