Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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