She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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