my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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