Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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