His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
