How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just blew my weed a kiss
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
