oh god the rape fog is back!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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