so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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