I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
