You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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