If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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