I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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