even my farts smell like vagina
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You may now shotgun with the bride
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
