Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
