I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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