it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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