I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
