I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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