What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
