I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Terrible idea I love it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
