I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
