dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
