I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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