I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
