More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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