I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
