So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
