im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
