3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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