im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
too bad you live with your parents still
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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