..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
BRING THE BAGELS
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
