I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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