Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
