i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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