So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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