Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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