there's paper in my vomit.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
