the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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