DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
