"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
