just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
