love makes seman taste better
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
