i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
