a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
