i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
