Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
