Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
