My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize