fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
