Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
