Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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