bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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