Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
