There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
