Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
