pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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