so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
