We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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